One Year Paid Maternity Leave isn’t a Handout; It’s the Bare Minimum
My son, who is seven years old, loves to play the game Life from Hasbro. I don’t know if it’s the car and the (overly binary) pink and blue people pegs that he gets to drive around the board that he loves, but I do know, this game of “Life” isn’t even close to real life.
In the game of Life, there are a couple of life events in the game at which it’s nearly impossible to continue playing without thinking of or making an out loud comment along the lines of – “that’s certainly not how it is in real life.” The events I’m talking about are marriage and children. At both, players get gifts of cash from not only other players but also the bank. I don’t remember this at my wedding or the birth of my son. Was I dropped into the wrong real-life scenario?
Similarly, when a woman gives birth to a baby, her expenses go up. (I don’t remember any checks being handed out like in the game of Life.) Expenses don’t rise dramatically at first, as she just needs diapers, some clothes and maybe some swaddle blankets to survive. Breastfeeding, this life giving, immune-boosting “liquid gold,” as its also known, is no extra expense to her, and for the first six months, there’s no need to buy any food for the baby (assuming the mother is able and willing to breastfeed). Formula is another story and known to cost on average $1500 per year, per child. While outgoing expenses are not great the first few months of the child’s life, the damage to a mother’s earning potential is detrimental. When I was pregnant with my son, I got six weeks of paid leave at two-thirds my regular pay, and six additional weeks of unpaid time. And I was one of the lucky ones.
Motherhood is a culture. It has a group of people who identify with it. Further, it provides a framework for life and comes with its own cultural identity. Culture is defined as "Members who consciously identify themselves with that group. Collier and Thomas (1988) describe this as Cultural Identity, or the identification with and perceived acceptance into a group that has a shared system of symbols and meanings as well as norms for conduct" (Neuliep & Jandt, 2021). In any culture, norms should be recognized and honored. There is no more precious and life-giving a set of norms which deserve protection than what must occur the first year of a baby’s life.
Many women don’t have the luxury of paid maternity time. What’s more, the ones who need it most are the ones who get it least, if at all. Mothers who have the least financial wherewithal are hardest hit by the lack of paid leave. There is no such thing as maternity leave in the US. Said another way, maternity leave is employment leave. “According to an analysis by Abt Associates of a 2012 survey it conducted for the Department of Labor, nearly one in four women who took leave to care for a new baby took only two weeks or fewer off. About half of those women were back to work in under a week” (Dusenbery, 2017).
I’ve heard the horror stories, yes horror, of moms going back to work just two weeks after giving birth. I am appalled by this reality. It is not legal in the US to separate a puppy from her mother prior to six weeks, but a mother can be expected to turn her baby over to the care of strangers so she can go back to work? Incredible. Disappointingly predictable. In the US, the workplace culture of 24/7, always-on-or-available work mode can be likened to cruel and unusual punishment. Her body hasn’t even healed yet. And this little life she just birthed needs her physical presence for his very survival.
Thankfully, remember I was a lucky one, I didn’t have to go anywhere. I chose my baby, not my job, though I paid for that choice later, too. But so many do not have that luxury. Had I been given a decent paid maternity leave, I might not have resigned. But what it would have meant to me to get one year of paid maternity leave would have been a tremendous help to my family. Instead, my options were infant childcare, which on average in 2021 was over $10,000 per year per child (after taxes) or leaving my job. Besides not wanting to hand my newborn over to the care of someone else, paying for it was like adding insult to injury. There is no greater clash with the culture of motherhood and the biological needs of mom and baby than the lack of paid maternity leave for the first year.
Sleep & Breastfeeding
As it turned out, I was able to spend my days with my son, thanks to my husband and his income. Not that it was all rosy times, but that’s the point. Raising a child is hard work and it’s 24 hours, seven days a week. I was so tired the first month after his birth that I used to joke that if I walked into a dimly lit room, I might fall instantly asleep. That’s because there is nothing regular about a baby’s sleep and so there’s nothing regular about mom’s sleep.
The first three months are commonly known as the fourth trimester, and for good reason. Those are the months in which the baby is beginning to crossover from the womb to the world. Growth is rapid and sleep is irregular. They are formative months, critical to babies’ health, and they should be spent in their mother’s arms. This not only encourages bonding, better sleep, and fewer attachment insecurities, it also supports breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is vital to a child’s health and well-being and has long-term effects on their lives. Whenever possible, mothers should breastfeed their children.
WHO and UNICEF recommend that children initiate breastfeeding within the first hour of birth and be exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months of life – meaning no other foods or liquids are provided, including water. Infants should be breastfed on demand – that is as often as the child wants, day and night. No bottles, teats or pacifiers should be used. From the age of 6 months, children should begin eating safe and adequate complementary foods while continuing to breastfeed for up to 2 years and beyond. (WHO, 2022)
I remember setting a goal of six months, prior to my son’s birth, thinking of breastfeeding more like a course requirement for motherhood. After he was born, we made it to six months after a bumpy start. Six months was just about the smoothing out point for us. By that time, I had read everything I could pass my tired eyeballs over about breastfeeding. I knew its benefits and suddenly six months seemed way too short. One year was our next milestone. On our way there, it became obvious to me that breastfeeding was the cure for all my son’s woes. He needed it and it soothed so many moments, so we kept going. In the meantime, I had read about this idea of “child-led weaning” and I started to imagine what it would be like to be a mom who breastfeeds past the two year mark. Spoiler alert! The answer is you have to be a mom who’s willing to fight for it and have economic security (like a spouse whose income supports the family). I was, and we made it to child-led weaning.
In the US, breastfeeding past one year is rare, but this concept of child-led weaning is not culturally accepted. There have been videos of men and women harassing mothers who breastfeed in public, especially when the child is perceived to be older than one year. Breastfeeding is a vital cultural norm of motherhood. It should be integrated back into acceptance by our national culture. But how can it when it’s not even supported by workplace culture?
Despite legal breastfeeding protection, going back to the workplace discourages breastfeeding because of the forced distance it places between mother and baby. Also, it’s hard to step away to pump for 15 minutes every two to three hours. Many employers, even though required by law, do not provide a private, clean environment in which to feed or pump. And, have you used a breast pump? I used to joke that there were breast pumps in hell because they are torture.
There is not a man-made invention that can replace a mother breastfeeding her child. And I’m not just being dramatic here. The science of breastfeeding tells us that signals between baby and breast are exchanged through the baby’s saliva and the mother’s breast. The breast is so receptive to changes in the baby’s saliva that it will signal the brain and body to create more, less, or different antibodies and nutrients based on the child’s saliva. “Researchers believe that when a baby is sick, she passes on a cue through her saliva that sends a signal to her mother’s body to produce more milk with illness-specific antibodies. Similarly, if the breastfeeding mother is exposed to a virus, she will produce antibodies that get passed on to the baby for protection,” (Mlynek, 2019). There is nothing that can replace child to breast breastfeeding. This requires the mother be present and the babe be in her arms. Only paid leave can facilitate this for working moms.
Though I’m glad I made the choice I made, I still lost earnings, social security contributions, added new strain to our household finances and seven years later have not re-entered the workforce in a fulltime position in my field. The sacrifices required of mothers are too great. They pay with their physical and mental health, their right to raise their own children, real lost earnings and potential earnings. Even after re-entering the workforce, mothers have to tuck motherhood into the corners of their workdays. It’s too much for women to bear on their own. It’s time legislation secures one year of paid maternity leave from all employers nationwide, so moms stop losing at this real game of Life.
References
Dusenbery, M. (2017, June 14). How America’s lack of paid maternity leave worsens inequality. Pacific Standard. https://psmag.com/economics/cmon-america
Mlynek, A. (2019, December 5). 6 magical ways that breastmilk changes to meet your baby’s needs. Today’s Parent. https://www.todaysparent.com/baby/breastfeeding/magical-ways-breastmilk-changes-to-meet-your-babys-needs/
Neuliep, J.W. & Jandt, F.E. (2021). Foundations of intercultural communication (Electronic Edition). SAGE Publications.
World Health Organization. (2022). Breastfeeding. https://www.who.int/health-topics/breastfeeding#tab=tab_2
Image: Pixabay.com
