What I Bring with Me
I know how to tell a story and communicate an idea. I know how to fix broken communication, to zero in on what information is missing and ask why. I easily see all sides of an argument. I can understand where a person is “at” regarding an idea and will meet them there to begin to bridge the gap. That said, I’m no peacemaker and often find it too draining to persuade others if we are just too far apart.
I am a critical thinker in all things, which makes me a huge pain in the ass to live with a lot of the time, just ask my family. I am highly sensitive and can read people's energies, which makes me want to hide away at times. I always root for the underdog because I often feel like one.
In my career, I’ve been guilty of trying to disappear into other people—their identities, their companies, their brands to make them successful, just to get that pat on the back. In fact, I could have a shirt made that says: “will work for attaboys.” But you know what? It was never enough. Even though I wanted it to fulfill me, it didn't. I couldn't better someone else's life enough to fill up my own. And thank god that never worked.
I began to break away from this mode of hiding myself behind others when I became a mother. Mothering a child is something you learn on the fly, and this is universal, (which is why I switch from “I” to “you”). No amount of preparation is going to give you the lessons you need to dig deep in the middle of the night when you are beyond spent to keep on showing up as mama. It’s a job you can’t quit, no matter how hard it gets, and it gets really hard.
I am my son's whole world, though that will change as he grows. This is an awesome power that I wield, sometimes with great love and sometimes with carelessness. He looks at me with the most intense love, and I have felt his fascination of me. He inspires me to be better, try harder and keep going—because I know he’s watching. Motherhood has been a crucible for me, and it’s the most empowering and vulnerable endeavor I've ever undertaken.
Second to becoming a mom was finally going to graduate school, something I should've done 20 years ago. I always knew I was "smart enough" but would shrink back, deterred by the impracticality of it. I’ve arrived now and my graduate studies fuel my fire and feed my passions. I have learned so much and had the chance to develop valuable skills and ideas about myself and where I want to make an impact.
As you can tell, I dwell in a lot of feeling and struggle to bring it forth into articulated skills or products. I am developing my skills and that’s another reason I went to graduate school. I want to “have a seat at the table” inside an organization, but to get there, I’ve got to be able to communicate why I’m unique and qualified to lead.
